dancing lights

boy is my daddy a lazy bastard. not only does he stick me under this thing for hours on end.....



...he's been too focused on pokerroom.com to tell everyone what i've been thinking lately. at least he tells me that he's winning. like it matters...its only play money. what a moron. play with me, dammit!

a little backed up...

earlier in the week, something happened to my system. normally, i'm a pretty good pooper. and by that, i mean i deposit the pasty green stuff i allude to in my bio at least once a day. so i have to admit that it was freaky when i had the pains but nothing was moving for me. i took a page out of daddy's routine and tried reading something and that didn't work. i was going to mimic mommy by taking a fiber pill and eating greens, but hey, i'm a baby and the doc told the folks on monday that i'm supposed to stick with the formula until about 6 months.

so after about a day and a half, it finally busted loose. the folks noticed it right away by the pungent odor. dad was the first to take a look....


when mommy finally took her nose away from the idiot box to take a gander, even she thought it was a rough one.....


even i thought it was a doozy and that comes from someone who often sits in crap for a bit...

belly time

over the past week or so, my folks have been increasing my time on my belly. i wouldn't mind it, for these simple facts...

1) the view from this position really sucks

2) i'm completely stuck. if i want a toy that's just out of reach....tough shit. even if i could grab said toy, i can't really play with it since my entire weight is supported by my arms.

3) often while i'm in this position, the milky substance* in my belly comes up. when i'm on my back, no big deal, right? i simply get my clothes damp or perhaps it gets in my hair as it slides down my cheek. HOWEVER, when on my belly, my head has nowhere to go. the spitup goes straight down and lands in the only place where i can rest my head when my wee little neck muscles get tired. so i end up with a face full of funky chunks. not my idea of a good time at all.




* surprising enough, this crap tastes just as good on the way up.

i love bathtime!!!!

my parents get way too excited about bath days. they act as if they're doing me some kind of service or something. so i get a little wet and take it like an adult. i don't cry. i don't poo in the water. every now and then i'll let a little pee in, but i don't think they notice. it's my little way of keeping the upper hand. i mean, really, they wrap me up in towels that make me look like a frog or bug and get all happy about it. come on! get a life, i say.

i'm not smiling because i enjoy looking like a fool, i smile because i'm the only one that knows i just pissed on their hand.